To Broken Hill, Thanks For Everything, Love Sean

Dear Broken Hill

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about you a lot lately. We haven't seen one another in six years and my feelings for you have been overwhelming at times. The first time I wanted to be with you again was a year after we separated. I remember I was playing 'electric feel' in my living room and thinking of our magical last months together in 2008. Since then I've had a few low points where I've wanted to get back together, most recently in February.

I'm writing this to you because I have have a confession to make.

You shaped me. I didn't appreciate who you were until I was about 17 or 18, but from then until we parted ways I want you to know that I loved you. You became a part of me. I was able to catch some of Outback ER on the ABC recently. Man, it's good to see you're doing well and looking after yourself. I'm glad you haven't changed, you're beautiful just the way you are.

I had a dream last night where I was working back at NES Complete Home. Usually dreams where I am back with you are happy, but this one had a melancholy feel to it. The town I'm seeing now, Townsville, has taken a lot of effort to make the relationship work. 2009 was my worst ever year and every year since, 2013 aside, hasn't been overly memorable. My subconscious has had a lot of trouble letting you go. I miss wearing jackets in the winter time, I miss Shane Nankivell, I miss your eccentricities, I miss the atmosphere you create - I miss my parents.

I was young when we split up and it's taken me a long time to grow comfortable with who I am. At times I've been paralysed with fear about my future and the type of person I've become. I became very depressed this year and Mum called me up suggesting, maybe I should come home. I rejected the idea outright - I'm with Townsville now - but it did make me think about things. I never knew why I rejected the idea outright until last night.

I love Townsville and I love my life. Im growing into exactly the person I want to be. The journey has been rough emotionally, but isn't that how life is? Brodie and I have this self depreciating humour that I admire but I didn't realise how much I put myself down until recently. I'm incredibly harsh on myself. This past week has been one of the most profound of my life. I am in love with someone who I cannot be with so my brain has gone into activation mode. I changed my life this week. I discovered the love within. I love me. I love who I am. I love my stupid little ways. The way I awkwardly try to impress people. The way rebel against the norm. The way I do things unconventionally. My stupid sense of humour. My pretentiously big words I write for someone who claims to be unpretentious. I've realised I don't need anyone except myself. Ive been told that before, I only truly understood that statement in the past week.

I'm going on, and I'm prepared to go it alone. I completely cleaned my house yesterday. From top to bottom and threw out all the old junk that was irrelevant to my current life now. I found a lot of stuff from our days together. I threw most of it out but I kept the occasional memento, such is your meaning to me. I want you to know that I love you and I always will. You will always be part of my make up.

Take care,

Sean

PS: I'm coming back for a visit in July, hope we can hang out for karaoke at the 'cross'!