at some point there comes a realisation. people will try tell you to give it more time and that 'you'll find someone', but when your 30th birthday approaches and your sitting at your computer, alone, staring at the screen, trying to think of what to do to make things happen, refreshing POF every few minutes - thats when you begin to comprehend the vast amount of time thats past and realise its not going to change. you know this because you've experienced this before, many, many times. that life has decended into something you no longer can defend. that these 11 years haven't been leading or building up to anything special and it will still be this way in 5 years time. in ten years time. then you realise its been going downhill like the music industry has for years. the 60's, 70's and 80's are never coming back. this is it now. you realise you're going to die anyway, that life is really just averageness with occasional bouts of brilliance which occur, so far and few between its not worth the struggle and thats its no huge deal or loss if you disappear. just a thought.